"can i ask you something?"
"you just did"
growing up sucks because you realize $1000 isn’t a lot of money
Yes mother I have slept for thirteen hours straight but Jesus slept for three days straight and started a religion so I don’t wanna hear it
when you masturbate twice on the same day
When you finger yourself while masturbating
when you try to suck your dick and you break your ribs
no one saw me wear it therefore it is not dirty
Alternatively: everyone saw me wear it yesterday, but I own a washing machine so I could’ve washed it since then (I didn’t wash it).
people saw me wearing it yesterday but there will be different people seeing me today therefore it is not dirty
ordering pizza online is the best technological advancement since the internet itself